This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
