is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
