Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
