how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm always down for nudity.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
