get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize