Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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