there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
