so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
