Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
