We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
