Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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