when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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