no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
