Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
