I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Found your dick twin last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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