My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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