Where is the hickey?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
