So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
