apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
