Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
