my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
