someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
