Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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