There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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