we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
