you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
