I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Someone signed my nipple.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
