I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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