i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
