Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
