I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
