Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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