apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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