Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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