I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
