you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
