yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
