I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
