is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
