Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
