I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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