your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
foreskin is a definite game changer
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
