i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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