This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
