I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
