I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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