Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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