And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we made out on top of his cat.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
