His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical