Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier