my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
