Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
