Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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