Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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