i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
