Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
FUCK WHALES
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