i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
