Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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