peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
