If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
