life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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