Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
