During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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