I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sorry about my life...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
