some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
