Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities