Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
