Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
