If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
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he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.