Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running