You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
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As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.