your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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