I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
